I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE

I am not the only young girl who felt awkward in her space, her body, her role.

I am not the only bride who cried tears she didn't understand on her wedding night

the only woman straining to push a new life out of herself



I am not the only woman to flush with embarrassment at the school play when my child forgets their line and I am guilty of overly defining my self through them

Or the only woman who cries over a toilet full of blood and tissue with full eyes and an empty belly

The woman who stares into the dark late at night curled on her couch whose husband has left knows no fear I have not felt


I understand the swift merciless knife of betrayal

I have seen the end of the road where pavement runs out and you have to put on your night vision goggles and walk by what you already know to be true and not by what you see around you

I am not the only woman to have broken a hip, lost a husband or a savings account


I am also not the only one to fall short of their dreams, nag their children or spoil the grand kids

and when the day comes that I die
I can only hope that there is surcease in that holy moment
and that I can hear the beating drum of all the female hearts that came before me and the promise of all those that are to come and know

I am not the only one.