Sunday, August 14, 2011

A Fairly Odd Woman

She was born on a hardship morning

when the cold settled

into the valleys

and surrounding hills

and knuckles of the old ones

She grew like the wild grass

the way things grow when they are left alone

to grow naturally

at one point she learned manners

societies rules

they nearly destroyed her

but not quite

for she learned to dance in the rain

to take midnight walks

to savor her own soul

she learned that every moment breathes

with the opportunity to invent who you are

so she succored and she treasured

each moments lesson

and ever so slowly life claimed her

as one of its own

and she became all that she had learned;




like rocket fueled boosters

falling away once theyve done their job

she learned and let go

she took that wild ride to places unknown

steered only by the stars

and the universe that created them

Monday, July 4, 2011


Leaving at least one cup of Java for someone you love/like

Tipping the bag boy (even though nobody does that anymore)

Picking up a stray piece of litter not of your own making

Answering the phone at the next desk - even though you don't really relate to that person

tipping the waiter extra because you saw the people at the table next to you were impossible

stepping out of the elevator to wait because of the crutches/wheel chair/stroller -which ever branch of humanity is less strong than you

Letting the cat out for a moment of sunshine and nature

Greeting the UPS man with a smile

An even bigger warmer smile for those who live with you

A shoulder rub

A lamp turned down

a blanket pulled up

Laying down at night and releasing the day


that all your acts counted

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Summer Satire

Dear Diary,

Today is Monday June 27th 2011

Well I did it! I went to the therapist this morning. It is late and I am tired and lying here in my bed with you on my laptop, so I will make this short and sweet and add more in the morning before my 10:30 massage appointment.

Ashley lies sleeping beside me and the sound of his snoring is so annoying! There! I poked him and he rolled over. That’s a little better. Where was I? Oh, right, the Therapist! I was a few minutes late and SHE made me wait! Can you imagine??? Anyway I tried to hide my annoyance once she finally invited me in to her office and I sat down in what I must admit, was a very comfortable leather club chair. Imported I think.

She wanted to know why I was there. What kind of question was that? If I could answer that I wouldn’t need to be there! But I felt forced to come up with some kind of answer because she just SAT there and waited and one of us needed to say something.

I told her that I was unhappy "My husband is so, well, boring.
He makes enough money so that I can come see you i told her but other than that the mans is SO insipid.

"What did you see in him when you first met him?" she asked rolling the pen between her fingers and leaning back in her leather chair as though the question was an after thought.

Well... now that I think back, what I saw all those years ago was how much Melanie wanted him, Melanie "the good". All through high school she constantly made me look bad with all her "goodness" Good grief, she was almost as insipid as Ashley! But for some reason especially that night at the prom, she was all glowy and Ashley seemed fascinated by her. Her in her boringly beige dress.

Never mind me looking breathtakingly glorious in red.
I looked fantastic, the truth of that was in every pair of male eyes in the room- except Ashley’s.

And when they announced HER name as prom queen, mouth nearly dropped to the floor. But somehow looking at him standing up there on that stage beside her I realized that he looked good to me. Real good! Maybe it was the lighting but I just knew that I wanted that man. And that was that.

Realizing I hadn’t spoken out loud to answer the question I cleared my throat and hastily replied

“he was OK then I guess,”

my words trailed off and I looked at the Dr. waiting for a real question.

"Did you have any friends in high school?" she inquired.

Honestly Diary, I wouldn’t want to know how this woman makes her living as a therapist asking such dumb questions.

I told her, "I was the most popular girl in high school."

"Who did you confide in?" she asked quietly.

"Oh well, that is a different a different question" I laughed. "I could tell Prissy anything!" I smiled remembering.

"You see, she and her mother worked for us and she was just always around, helping me get ready and stuff."

"Are you still friends?" she asked.

"No" I laughed again, "She has gotten very uppity. She changed her name to Whoppi and now she does stand up comedy about snooty white southern belles. I've never been to see her act, it doesn’t sound very funny to me." know how you hear that all psychiatrists are crazy?
Well, I'm no expert I know, since this is the first one I’ve ever talked to but all the sudden for no reason whatsoever, she just made a strangling sound and held her tablet she been writing on in front of her face.

It was so weird. . Then she stood up and walked to a bar and poured a glass of water and drank it. Staring at her back, I saw her shoulders were shaking up and down and when she turned back around her eyes were all wet.

So I guess that little rumor about shrinks is true. Fortunately her little fit didn’t last long as I AM (well OK Ashley is) PAYING her a lot of money and so far we hadn’t done anything but make light conversation.

"Tell me" she said as she sat back down at her desk. "Melanie sounds like she was an important figure in your life when you were younger. Do you still keep in touch?"

Honestly, did this woman treat all her patients this way? Sit them in chair and ask them stupid questions about how their friends were doing? I was tempted to take a peek at the framed degrees hanging on the wall behind her head just to see who in the world ever gave her a degree but by the way she stared at me I thought better of it. Better wait and see if she had another one of her little coughing fits and look then!

I answered her question as patiently as I could. "First of all I told her, Melanie was not important in MY life, I was important in hers, she told me so herself."

No need to get snappy I thought. I took a deep breath and continued,

"As for seeing her, we traveled in the same circles even after we graduated. By early fall Ashley and I were engaged and planning the wedding of the year and she went abroad. For school I think.

She ended up staying there-I guess."

My neck felt hot.

"She recently came back after years away and I saw her at a charity function. She was with her husband, Rhett something or other…."

Diary, my voice just trailed off and I felt like I was the one who needed water.

There was no way I was going to tell her about that magnificent man. How Melanie ever got him, now that was a good question!

I don’t think I’ve ever written three pages in here about anyone else ever. But that’s what it took just to describe him.

Describe how magnetic and vibrant he is…and how everyone flocked around them, hanging on their every word, as thought being from Europe was like coming back from Mars or something.

Including Ashley, standing there laughing, the light shining off his balding head.

I felt very hot then too, and then inexplicably cold. Then my heart did that funny flippy thing.

That’s been happening every day ever since. Like I caught some kind of virus. Only my internist is calling it an anxiety attack – he doesn’t listen when I tell him the “attacks” are causing the anxiety!

Anyway, I just sat there tugging at the suddenly tight collar on my Joie blouse, gasping for breath, about to faint and slide right off the chair onto the floor

and “Dr. Degree from who knows where” says

“Are you alright? Would you like some water?”

“Yes," I croaked with my last dying breath.

Anyway diary, the end result was she gave me some medication that she says will stop the “attacks” for now and then we will continue to have sessions until she thinks I wont need the medicine.

I wish we could have had a session today instead of talking about other people the whole time but what do I know?

I looked the medicine up here on my laptop before I opened you and Diary guess what? The main side effect of the medication is weight gain!
There’s no way I’m going to risk that!

Oh, did I mention Melanie is as skinny as ever?
good night dear Diary.

Monday, June 6, 2011


fell off the path
and left no footprint

unlike the fairy tales
you read me

there were no bread crumbs
dropped at the forests edge

nothing to lead my way
I did not know how to be a good


but in the few short years
we had together

while you were young
and I
your daughter
was even younger

you showed me what being a good person is

you embraced that in every deed
of your short sparkling life

until the day came
and you were no more

and I stood on our path alone

and one day I realized
that the way you had lived

were the bread crumbs
for me to follow

to find my way

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Curve of his back in the shower
the smell of him wet
the toasty feel he leaves on the sheets
in the grey dawn of morning
his voice on the phone
richer than in person
holding arms at night
floor beneath
sky above
stars in the window
he secures me

Monday, May 16, 2011


I am not the only young girl who felt awkward in her space, her body, her role.

I am not the only bride who cried tears she didn't understand on her wedding night

the only woman straining to push a new life out of herself

I am not the only woman to flush with embarrassment at the school play when my child forgets their line and I am guilty of overly defining my self through them

Or the only woman who cries over a toilet full of blood and tissue with full eyes and an empty belly

The woman who stares into the dark late at night curled on her couch whose husband has left knows no fear I have not felt

I understand the swift merciless knife of betrayal

I have seen the end of the road where pavement runs out and you have to put on your night vision goggles and walk by what you already know to be true and not by what you see around you

I am not the only woman to have broken a hip, lost a husband or a savings account

I am also not the only one to fall short of their dreams, nag their children or spoil the grand kids

and when the day comes that I die
I can only hope that there is surcease in that holy moment
and that I can hear the beating drum of all the female hearts that came before me and the promise of all those that are to come and know

I am not the only one.

Monday, May 9, 2011

My Journal

Hello blank peice of paper

first page in my journal

I intend to write on you

to chronicle the life and death struggle of emotion

that constitutes my daily life

The failed marriage

the struggling kids

the aging parent

the new found independance

the new job

the new love interest

all of it

I intend to write here

so beware my brand new

and dare I say brave

new journal

you are in for the ride of a lifetime

you will hold my secrets

my fears and dissappointments

my dreans

you will be the Bible of my life course

as told in words

Your binding is strong

the paper secure

pen is poised

and so I begin

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

In answer to an email question,

I dont paint with water color
but I do write

and yes...

I do let the characters rest a bit.

When they simmer in my soul

I get to know them better!


Monday, April 25, 2011

Yay! I won a poetry award.

What better way to start off a Monday could there be?

If you would like to submit your own work, go here

Try it, its fun!

Friday, April 22, 2011

And late at night

the little perfect girl
read all alone

she read of sailing ships
and far away jungles
filled with exotic animals
and shrouded in mists
as vague as the future

And her life spun on

a gossamer thread
running like quicksilver
sometimes fast
sometimes barely creeping
its way

Others joined her lifes
spinning thread

a husband
and two children
both with their own threads
spinning off on their own life dance

her mates thread ran out before hers
leaving her once again


and she read
late at night

books of people traveling
and high seas of adventure
and her memory tingled
a frisson of connection
traveling that long spun life cord
back to that little

and her pillow shimmered
with tears for all she wanted to be
before she got caught
in the captive net of others opinions

she understood it all now

her thread
and others

that she still was
that little girl

that perfection
lies in being

that books are travel guides
for the imagination
to rehearse your mind
for what is possible
when you are ready for it

and so she set off
to see these places of books
romantic and far away
and found it was all true
all of it
and that the earth really is round

this time her future held no vague mists

when she looked ahead
the future was bathed in
the clear perfect light found only in
a late afternoon

that bright steady radiance
that holds the promise of forever
before it compromises into a glorious burst of sunset
that spreads welcoming arms to the darkness

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Imagine there was no such thing as death.
If you had the surety of living forever

You could wait to do things.

You wouldn't have to take a leap of faith into the unknown
on a business deal

or a mate

or anything at all

You could simply wait until the unknown revealed itself through time

All of the things you would want someone to know
would lose its urgency

because you had the luxury

of time.

But we don't have that.

And yet?

we live as though we do.

We live as though we are assured the next day

the next hour

the next minute

is going to be there.

What if we knew ahead of time it wasn't going to


What would you do with that day?

What would you want to say,

who would you say it to?

A chance to speak what is in your heart!

go here:

Saturday, February 19, 2011

I Am Home

My day starts with a rush


kissing awake little sleepy faces


the sun shines its urgency

the van

the school

kiss those little faces once again

the day

the sun following me just over my shoulder

a solar stalker
watching my day

it ends

and I am home

tummy loving sounds of pencils scratching across paper

comforting smell of bubble baths and

chicken cooking

relaxed sulky children

relaxed hub
relaxed me

I am home.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Little Girl

Born in the harsh bright lights of a hospital room the first thing she heard was her mothers yelling voice

whisked away to routine and strangers she opened her eyes

a new place

a few days later while her diaper was being changed

again she heard the mother voice

high pitched and needy

hands once again rescued her

a pattern emerged

life was a puzzle

figuring out the fickle needs of the mother voice and adapting to it

going to stay with other mother types on weekends

Becoming adroit at being strong

while wanting/craving a chance to be a little girl

curling up on your bed at night listening to alcohol fueled rants and knowing that your absolute job is to mother your mother

not knowing that tears drip for you in heaven.

Thursday, January 20, 2011


I love words

words are the beginning and the end

of my very being

words have saved me when nothing else could

they tingle on my tongue

sizzle deep within my soul

sliding slowly into my brain

they exault my thoughts

they gently

softly affect my world

they change me in a moment

and inspire me for a lifetime

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


A home is security

Its love

Its smell, its taste and feel

It involves your every sense

yet makes no sense at all

A soft bed after a long day

A song pulling memories from your heart of times passed,

mind pictures flowing thick and fast

Mashed potatoes with lumps

and gravy too!

Brothers and sisters beating each other up,

boring family dinners that will not matter - till you’re grown

Aunt Ethel’s scratchy kiss

Undle Albert’s false teeth

New babies with their funny smell of fresh and new'

backpacks homework and that best football game

Old doilies and new Tupperware

overdue library books...

and puppies.

Funerals with sad relatives

old pictures of people they say are related to you

bubble baths and vitamins

eat your vegetables

clean your plate

and heres a cookie!

Sneaking to read under the covers at night

Grandmas coming, cinnamon rolls baking

a smell to wake up to

Shaking rugs, dusting and clean your room!

chores done in a hurry....

Baseball in the yard with your brother and friends

First day of school

new clothes and old teachers

bad food

good report cards

First date

First car

First love

Broken hearts

Graduation, wedding veils, more faces around the table

Someone once said that you can’t go home again

They obviously didn’t know about the power of a song

smell of chicken frying or the sound of children playing

Home is inside of us

we carry it wherever we go