Warning!

Postcard from the edge of the universe

SO...

I had one of those days...have you had one?

One of those days where you wake up and your dreams were as rich as syrup and the colors and the feelings stay with you even while you rise from a deeply emerged state of sleep.

Its hard to shake those morning moments when the fairy dust residue of your nocturnal wanderings hangs over your head like Napalm making you gloomy and disoriented while you struggle to adjust your eyes to the morning brightness and banish your dreams to wherever dreams are stored.

It is further juxtaposed from reality if you have a to do list of chores written the day before that didn't allow or take in to account that you were going to wake up in a weird mind with the wrong lens on your mental camera photograph of the day.

You drink some stiff coffee and reconcile yourself to the fact that the dream world is far removed from the "real world" (thank goodness) and begin to tackle your list..the list that existed before you slept and dreamed....

The drinking of coffee and referring to the list worked for me on this particularly odd day where I found it hard to shake the dream state.

The reality is I have company coming and I needed to get the guest house ready. We recently refurbished an empty rental unit that we own and are using over the summer and fall for guests that visit. It is cleaned and ready except that the shower needs a shower curtain. I had that incorporated into a long to do list as these guests are "business guests" and even though I hadn't met them - I wanted them to be comfortable and to feel welcomed.

This explains my morning trek, sans breakfast to the local dollar store to find a shower curtain.
The dollar store is a wonderful place.

OH MY GOODNESS !

The things you can buy for a dollar!

I don't go there enough to get jaded apparently, so I was entranced with everything and finally filled a basket. When I walked up to pay, I saw out of the corner of me eye, a woman...

this was an Amazon women.

She was at least 6 feet tall and every bit as stunning as Cindy Crawford at her career height.
As we waited in line we listened to the cashier patiently ask each customer head of us it they would like to donate there change to a charity. Gosh I thought..how old would that get each and everyone all day long.. asking each person that.
so when I got to my turn in line I said

"I bet you get tired of saying that."

She smiled and said "yes."

Meanwhile, Cindy Crawford only better, behind me, proceeded to go off on a total rant about charities being rip offs. Because she was so tall and physically elegant and because I am so short and un elegant I was privy to her upper mouth and she was missing a tooth!

The one that is supposed to reside next to the 2 front teeth.

Wow.
She was so beautiful and so angry and yet all I could focus on was that gap.

She ranted on and on, this most beautiful Cindy Crawford look alike person.

I felt the heat of embarrassment creep up my neck. I felt like I got the cashier into something by my words.

I was never so happy as when I was rung up and could grab my bags and flee the crazy "Crawford" woman!

What gives?

I thought as I drove home...

what is it about passion losing itself, if it comes in a mouth with a missing tooth?

I hung the shower curtain for the guests and then I wrote this story

I don't pretend to know what it all means.

The old woman sits with hands crossed

she remembers back to a time when those same hands

younger

smaller

watched while others held the rough edge of a blanket

elders showing her the art of smoke signals

no longer used

now reduced to the stuff of old stories

fire, water, smoke,

blanket = communication

between far away people

a sort of primitive prairie binary code

if you will

one puff yes

two puffs no

now all of it taken care of by satellites

we gaze at them each night

their existence burns in the heavens

Seashore

Water air and sun
with salty swoosh it beckons
Come and stand where wonder begins

To play
with sand pails and shovels
children leave their creations
gift offerings
for the tide to consume each day

the lost come here to find themselves
and the found to be reminded
of their infinitesimal smallness against the work of an eternal hand

civilization crowds with concrete and glass against its shore
the crush of man at lifes edge
the siren song calls them all

come here to die
come here to live!
Come!
you who seek....

and I will give.

The Idea of Staying

When your boss has lost his mind

when your husband seems to have joined him

when the smell of your kids hair at night as you tuck them in

isn't enough anymore

and yet

you stay


Women stay when men cannot

Some biological wiring?

Perhaps


Whatever it is

we women are good at it

we have perfected it

The idea expressed as art

The art of staying


As Moses stilled the Red Sea by lifting his arms

We women still the sea of restlessness the world provides

we come home each day

we absorb the cacophony of a thousand voices

our husbands and children have heard in that day

and somewhere

between baths and bedtime

we make an inward decision

to reflect a calm we do not feel


and after "Goodnight Moon" has been read

the locked door has been checked twice

and the last load of laundry is humming in the dryer

we sink into bed


searching with questioning toes for the seam at the bottom of our sheets

and as we turn over and surrender to sleep

one more day has passed its test

as have we
we stayed.

Now That I Know You Exist

Your presence in my life began much the way dreams do

a slow foggy half awake beckoning of the soul

it made the world seem calmer and more thrilling
all at the same time

that new found knowledge was like pulling a blanket up over my shoulders
on a cold winter night

The line of demarcation that had formerely defined me

no longer fell on such mundane lines

as day of birth
starting school
moving to a new house

or any of the other former measures
that had come before

the lines commmonly used to decide
when ones life takes a significant turn

now falls with great impact
on when I first knew about you

versus when I did not

that miraculous moment when I began to look at the world
through anothers set of eyes
peering out of me inwardly

your eyes

your thoughts

your viewpoint

as though it were mine

pudding proof that I had assimilated your world view in with my own

where it now rests on the puffed comfortable couch of my heart

beside my own unique thoughts and feelings

a space where I can have a running inner dialogue at any moment

an effortless free flowing stream of consciousness conversation

about anything at all

knowing all my thoughts are safe in your hands

the world may notice a new, crackling energy in me

or perhaps

a secret far away smile

as I wait patiently in a long line

seeming as though I have been transported far away.

It is true

I have

to that secret place inside of me where your spirit and mine

now reside

together

knowing you

has

changed my world.

I know love

because it defines you

and I
know
you.

Daydream From a Woman's Heart

Daydream From a Woman's Heart

In my most perfect daydream
my children would turn out exactly as I wrote the script
I would be beautiful
and thin!

my husband would be possessed of the singular ability to read my mind
(and like what he read)
my dog would behave
my cooking would be renown
my friends would adore me
my enemies would change their mind about me
my colloquialisms for life would be exquisite to all!

and finally..........
I would grow old and die

surrounded by
my loved ones both two and 4 legged...

screech...............

sound of record stopping!

How ABSOLUTELY boring!

How done already!

Instead....
I propose an alternate scenario for all us mothers and women out there who have hearts filled with dreams...

our children will abandon our script and we will be glad
(for how can they let go of the past in order to shape the future?)

We will suddenly realize that we already are beautiful in the minds eye of those who truly get us
what a relief

we can lay that beauty/thin/ thing down on the side of the road starting right now
a dog not behaving?
That is what makes blood to boil,
and laughter to bubble forth
and generates great stories to tell over dinner
keep it up pup!

More than likely our cooking is plenty renown - its just a matter of not serving it till after everyone is hungry - then make them wait 30 more minutes - its all about the perception!
as for our friends...

they already do adore us - that is why they are our friends
whereas our enemies never really knew us,
pity, really (for them)
and as for our colloquialisms shining in our clever use of superlatives...
the truth is it never was us at all.

Rather,
it has been life itself
all along

shining in its exquisiteness

our words are merely reflecting that glow,
thus decreeing every day a chance to shine
because it is all already there - waiting for us to show up.

As for dying, why think about it really?

Maybe I will die standing on top of a mountain I just climbed at the age of 100 just to see if I could.

Maybe I will die in bed
(I hope its in my sleep.)

Since none of us knows or can impact or plan for it in any way, why really care?

What we can plan, what we can impact,
is each day

right now.

We can love our children just as they are
and that goes for husbands too...

and friends be they of the two or 4 legged variety.

We can recognize that what nourishes best is anything that is real,
be it food,

words,

or glances...

and we can serve them up warmly and often.

Now that I think about it,

I like this plan.

I like this woman better.

I am going to go off the script of average and take the adventurous and unknown and embrace it with lifes arms wide open.

How about you?

Quotes I Love

When I hit a dry well in writing or when I come across something I love, I will post it making sure it is clear that it is a quote - not written by me but enjoyed by me.

Here is one:

Believe while others are doubting.
Plan while others are playing.
Study while others are sleeping.
Decide while others are delaying.
Prepare while others are daydreaming.
Begin while others are procrastinating.
Work while others are wishing.
Save while others are wasting.
Listen while others are talking.
Smile while others are frowning.
Commend while others are criticizing.
Persist while others are quitting.

-William Arthur Ward

Now if only I could actually do all of that...